Getting my Christmas Groove Back - Countdown to Christmas Day 15

In a desperate bid to invigorate and imbue myself with festive feeling, I decided to harness the power of music TV yesterday. Yes, I succumbed to a Christmas countdown. I wish I had the skills to V-log so that you could share in my amusement at CK's response. You see, she has learned to head bang.

I blame her father; he was much more of a mosher than me with his long hair (back in the day - I demand he keeps it above the nape at all times now) and his Rammstein tendencies. Perhaps it is in the genes - other children bob gently when they like the music but not my daughter, no, she thrashes her head up and down in time (or not, as the case maybe). So I have compiled my own Christmas Song top 5 based on the degree of neck strain my daughter put herself through as an indicator of audience appeal.

5. Boney M - Mary's Boy Child - Ick. I am going to say that my child liked this one because it sounds like something from CBeebies. I hope that is the reason and that I won't have a lifetime of hearing this kind of nonsense emanating from her bedroom. Heaven forbid.

4. Wham - Last Christmas - who could help but love this one? Especially when accompanied by the video, so we can see them romping around in the snow like a pair of dewy eyed young bucks frolicking in woodland glades. Oh George, what went so wrong?

3. Wizzard - I wish it could be Xmas every day - My child is clearly attracted to the 1970's glam thing, Slade and Wizzard both charting. Obviously my love of all things tacky has rubbed off already. Oops.

2. Mariah Carey - All I want for Xmas - Perhaps babies, like dogs and bats, can hear a higher register than the rest of us... how else would you explain Little CK's enjoyment of this one?

1. Slade - Merry Xmas Everybody - NB This would not be my number 1 choice of Xmas songs but clearly CK is less discerning and likes the look of these. I think they look questionable (was going to say "like a bunch of sex pests" but thought that might be libelous) but she seemed to think they were marvelous, giggling and nodding manically throughout.

A suspect list, but I console myself with the fact that when Sir Cliff was playing, she was more interested on a piece of fluff on the carpet.

Countdown to Christmas Day 14 - No Tree for Me

Christmas has always been an enormous event in my household - Granny Bloggings is a big believer in 'doing Christmas properly', a strange sentiment from a non-Christian, but hey ho, it means I've always done well in the present department so I'm not complaining. Come to think of it, she is like that about pretty much any celebration. Come to think of it, she is like that about pretty much everything. Anyway, enough rambling, suffice to say, Christmas is a decadent, turkey-gorging, present-avalanche, sparkle-fest in our house. It's a time for family to come together to eat, eat more and be merry. We do the tree in late November, we wrap presents in August, we sing carols ALL YEAR ROUND in anticipation. Are you getting the idea?

But this year I am finding it hard to get into the spirit. I have lost my festive mojo as it were. I am cheer-less. I haven't even mustered the energy to put up a single decoration and no matter how much I listen to Mariah Carey telling me what it is she wants for Christmas I just can't get in mood. Bah. Humbug.

I thought about putting up a tree to provoke my enthusiasm but then remembered that with a Little CK crawling around like a little spider monkey (perhaps I shall rename her), it would be fair game for her and soil on my new carpet wouldn't help the mood. I thought about organising a Christmas shindig here with my friends, but have left it too late and they will all be too drunk on mulled wine by now to coordinate their diaries, let alone get here for festive frolicking. I even bought my child's first ever Christmas present (yes only one Christmas present, see what I mean? There is something wrong here) on a well-known marketplace website...

And now, my mate Carol Kirkwood on BBC Breakfast tells me there is the threat of a wonderful white Christmas to jeopardise our travel plans, keeping us from the gorging that we are booked in for over the Christmas weekend.

So I need some inspiration folks, what can I do to get in the mood? How can I re-discover my yuletide magic? And don't say that eating a whole pack of mince pies in one sitting will work. I've tried it. It doesn't.

All I want for Christmas... Christmas Countdown Day 10

Dear Santa,

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, I really do appreciate that you are probably quite busy at the moment and so I am most grateful that you would take a moment out of your schedule, perhaps take the weight off, have a mince pie and consider my Christmas list.

This year I would really appreciate a couple of small and innocuous items (aside from world peace which is clearly at the top of my list every year).

Firstly, I would like to sleep through the night. Just from 10pm til 7 or 8 am. Just once. Without having to get up to do a feed, rock little one to sleep, or just lie awake worrying about why I haven't had to get up to do a feed or rock little one to sleep. And if you could make it possible for me to fall asleep without having to recite lists in an OCD fashion to stop myself thinking, that would be really marvelous too. Is that within your remit?

Next I was wondering about whether you can defy the laws of gravity? I know you can with the whole sleigh thing, so maybe you can when it comes to my physique? It's not terrible, it looks fine under clothes, but it's just that everything seems to have slipped somewhat. Can you arrange for a sort of winch and tighten so that everything springs back to where it once was? I know this sounds like a vain request but actually it is rather selfless - it is really more for the benefit of the other swimming pool users at my local baths.

Finally, I would like to request to be able to spend a whole day 'hands free'. I'd like to eat my meals without 'a little help' from little one, walk down the street without pushing or carrying, make dinner without someone on my hip directing procedures.

So that is it from me the year, Big Man, I hope that all is well in the North Pole, that Mrs Claus is looking forward to the Christmas specials on TV and that the elves have been behaving themselves.

Thanks in advance,

Mummatron