Saturday, 28 August 2010

Week 7: The Daddy Question

Unreasonable? Moi?

The other day I was perusing the virtual universe that is mumsnet and found that they have a forum named ‘Am I being Unreasonable?’ and I thought that if it were a competition, I could win with this recent conversation that I had in the car park of Marks and Spencer with my husband:

Me: What are you doing?!
Him: Packing the car…
Me: Yeah, I see that but why are you packing it like that?!
Him: Because it’s the only way I can fit it all in…
Me: Love, (note the use of the pet name to try to soften the nagging tone but which actually only serves to patronise), we’ve discussed this before (i.e. why are you being so stupid?), I try not to pack things on the seat next to the babies car seat as I feel it is a risk (not neurotic at all.)…
Him: Yes (teeth gritted)… but we have bought so much (you’ve bought so much) that I can’t fit it all in the boot.
Me: Well I can (you imbecile), let me do it (thereby emasculating you in front of the whole world).
Him: Whatever. (I’m in a huff now)
Me: -
Him: -
Me: -
Him: -
Me: - So are you in a huff now, you *****? (add in your own choice expletive here)
Him: NO (note the capitals used here to demonstrate the teenage tone)
Me: Good.

Yes indeed folks, a modern man is a wonder. I have my moments of awe, pondering why he hasn’t left me yet… is it because mostly I am nice and not the neurotic witch this conversation seems to suggest, is it because our daughter ties us together now, is it because he doesn’t have the energy due to sleepless nights? Or is it because I do such a very good job of packing the boot? Either way, I’m glad he’s in for the long haul, because me and CK love him, huffs and all.
The Mummatron

The Modern Man, it’s a wonderful thing

It makes me rage when I hear women say, “my husband wouldn’t touch our babies!” Or, “my husband doesn’t have a Scooby how to hang out the washing, doesn’t even know where the washing machine is.”

I want to screech at them in true fishwife fashion (and boy don’t those poor fishwives get a bad press!) “Have you never heard of training?” If you had someone working for you who had nay clue, you would understand that careful explaining of what the job entailed, and how to do it, would probably result in an efficient employee. But when it comes to husbands… so could it be that there is an alternative motive?

Some women are trying to tell you that their man is too much of a macho hunk to be hairy-arsed doing any of the pink jobs around the house, some women actually want that sort of man. Fine, just don’t complain to me when the baby is screaming and he wont pick it up because he is busy doing a blue job like using the power drill, (which I believe these days come in pink too!)

Another motive is that, let’s face it, making someone feel inadequate and hopeless is a grand way to get power over them. Even in these days of enlightenment – well the dawning of it anyway – people seem to assume that a woman will instinctively know how and what to do with a new born baby. Oh yeah? Why is that?

But I digress. Some women will take advantage of that; snatch the baby away from its’ father if it cries; constantly tell him how to handle the little person who is so new to you both; take control of every aspect of childrearing, and in general make the man feel as if he is as useless as a slimy appendix. (These same women then profess amazement when their husband eventually finds another woman who apparently understands him and thinks he is a handsome, capable, in-charge kinda guy.)

I know it is hard to see your baby crying in the big hairy arms of its father and to feel that you are the only one who can make it happy, but that baby is going to grow into a mutinous three year old and a hulking, sulking, teenager. That’s really when it helps to have two of you to deal with this perfect stranger who has been living with you for years.

Men are usually great with babies, the little souls feel comforted by their size and secure in their arms – the babies I mean not the men who, of course, have big, manly souls (in case there are any dads reading this!) Bringing up a child is a job which can only be enhanced by as many helpful people as possible in the childs’ life. The more people in the house who know how to work the washing machine, the more time there is to play with and show affection to the little person – until they are big enough to learn how to use the washing machine themselves, then, bingo, everyone’s a winner, you all have more time for each other!
Granny Bloggings

1 comment:

  1. ah it'll all change if you have more, and daddy will reign supreme... i throw babies and shopping in one pile on the back seat, and give each baby a piece of bread straight from the packet to keep them quiet on the way home. if some of the shopping falls on them, they see it as a bonus snack!


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