Ponderous posting

I have been suffering this week. Not from the dreaded lurgy this week (although lurgy, as Elvis said, you are always on my mind, hence the over washed hands), nor from some kind of pox. No, this week I have been suffering because my muse seems to have deserted me. Which is funny, because I never knew I had one.

I started blogging because secretly, a little part of me has always felt I deserved a book deal, but apparently you have to actually do some work to be offered one. Funny that. I'm not that disappointed though because that was only one little reason, mainly it was just because I needed something to do to occupy my idle mind now that I am one of the great unwashed, unemployed.

But then I became obsessed, as my poor neglected husband or child (no, not social services kind of neglect) will tell you. I had to log in every day to check whether we had any new followers, whether anyone from Outer Mongolia was reading our blog (honestly, you can check that kind of stuff - who knew?!), and whether we were ever going to get any recognition.

I was perplexed as other bloggers seemed to get mentions all the time on forum sites of note (BMB, you know who you are!), prizes and accolades for having something funny or interesting to say, and readers in the 100's or 1000's.

And I racked my brains for how to up my stats, increase my following (whoah, that sounds a little scary) and double my traffic.

So I took a week, maybe two, off and now I have perspective. So thank you to friends old and new for whom we write this blog; To Debby, the cousin who I have never met who keeps an eye on me and CK from Germany; to my good friend Elana who we will see very soon; to Rach who I know is reading; to Liska, my new bloggy mate who is on my wavelength, even if that is an old fashioned radio term from the days before internet; and to Brian who reads every post in the split second that it is published, when really he should be working. Thank you to all of you who read and who give me a reason to ramble, a motive for musing.

I promise to stop naval gazing and be more interesting. Any minute now...

The Mummatron
(ps sorry no Granny Bloggings today - the lurgy got her - poor thing!)

Seven Things...

There is a big old party happening out there in the Blogosphere today. A mixer, of sorts. But without the pressure of getting dressed up, and without actually having to have a real conversation. Weird eh? The idea is this - one blogger lists their '7 things you never knew you wanted to know about me' and then nominates other bloggers to follow suit. They (those cool little media pups in the know) call it a meme. And, thank you, Ghost Writer Mummy, for inviting me to this party. So here we go...

But I thought I'd add a wee twist. As this is Mummysquared, I'm going to bring me old dame (Granny Bloggins will love that new title) to the party too. Some of the 7 below are me, and some are 'er. See if you can work out which is which and put your answers on a post card - or on the comment board below!

1. On the morning of my 16th Birthday I lit up a fag at the breakfast table, kind of because I could, but mostly to annoy my parents.

2. When I was 17 I got a tattoo, kind of because I could, but mostly to annoy my parents.

3. I have a scar from when I stabbed myself trying to peel the cellophane from a cucumber - see, eating your 5 a day is a very dangerous pursuit.

4. I used to drive a classic Beetle.

5. I rocked out at the Isle of Wight festival when I was 19

6. I have a number of unusual crushes, including Nialls Crane (Frasier's wimpy brother), Martin Sheen, and Phil Jupitus

7. I sing whilst doing my weekly shop. Loudly. It keeps my spirits up and keeps other shoppers at bay - "Beware the loon!"

OK... so that's it. See if you can figure out which is me and which is she... And then check out some other peoples lists. In this big game of blogger tag, I am slapping the following on the back:

Manana Mama (sorry I can't do the twiddly bit above manana) - because she writes so beautifully

Tattie weasle - because I wanted to write Tattie Weasle and because she makes me laugh

Tiddlyompompom - just because... As Marks and spencer would say.

Ready? Go!

New Year, New Rules

2011: The Year of...

I suppose my first resolution should be to be a bit more punctual. I mean, come on really, New Year’s resolutions on the 5th of January? That is not fooling anyone. But no, that is not worthy of a resolution. I used to be punctual and it was dull. I now have an excuse not to be. She is about 9 months old and called CK!

I broke one of my resolutions on New Year’s Day at breakfast time. What a loser. 2011: The Gluten Free Year. It was never going to happen.

I think as a committed stay at home mum (who has NO desire to return to work for the time being) it would be better to give 2011 the subtitle The Year of Living Frugally. I do have a bank account. It just has nothing in it. So here goes...

Birthday presents this year will all be handmade with love. So those of you who know me, please expect something somewhat squiffy, somewhat overstuffed, somewhat sticky-taped and somewhat ‘rustic’. Just know that I have put my heart into it. So be nice.

The fridge shall be empty before I go to the supermarket. I shall use up all the food that I buy. I found this great website Love Food Hate Waste that will help me to use everything up so that hopefully husband won’t have to eat mackerel, olive and broccoli omelettes. Sorry husband.

Taking my inspiration from the very lovely Kirstie Allsop (Oh how I love you Kirstie) I shall make my home into a wonderful haven of homemade wonder. I shall blow glass, I shall sew and knit, I shall stain all my glass windows. I shall wear wonderful shoes, and billowing coats and an oversized fur hat. I shall buy a ‘doer upper’ in Devon and harp on about how I have transformed it back to life. Oh no, hang on, my bank account definitely won’t stretch to that.

I shall, however, spend less money on baby and more time with her. Which may mean less blogging. Eek. (see Granny Bloggings resolutions!).

That all seems very frugal. And noble. And unachievable. Perhaps I will turn into a wonderful Martha Stewart style domestic goddess....Or maybe I’ll just pop out to the shops to take my mind off it all.

Mummatron

Granny Bloggings Commitments for 2011

Well, I suppose we had to do this one it is kinda de rigeur at this time of year.

So, for what it’s worth, here they are;

1. Try to keep up with my daughter at this blogging lark.

Being home-bound has turned her into a blogging supremo, or should that be an obsessive? It is hard to prise her warm little fingers from the keyboard these days now that she has discovered a form of adult communication which she can do whilst the baby hangs onto her pyjama-clad leg drooling and gurgling. I can just imagine her comments on other peoples’ blog sites winging across the world like a computer virus, is it possible that she may, single-handedly bring the whole world wide web crashing to a halt in 2011?

2. Try to stop worrying so much.

Becoming a granny has not helped my problem of seeing all manner of terrors lurking in the most unlikely of places; germs on door handles. Ice on the road, ice in the water pipes, ice sliding off a roof ready to decapitate one of my nearest and dearest. Other drivers, who are all morons. High winds which might blow my house down. Torrential rain which might flood my house down. My daughter driving on roads which certainly contain other drivers of the moronic persuasion, ice, high winds or torrential rain and there may even be germs on her door handles…. Argh!

3. To turn 60 with grace.

I know will find it hard to believe but yes, it’s true I shall be sixty this year. OK, so it's not so unbelievable, but how did it happen? It was only yesterday that I was 6 – I remember it well, although what I did last week is a complete mystery. So I shall be starting my grace-lessons this week as New Years' Resolution number three, any helpful hints?

4. To spend as much time as I can with my most adorable granddaughter.

During the festive season we all took a turn on the night shift so I spent several hours over the two weeks administering a bottle, then rocking and patting little CK back to sleep. Can there be anything more wonderful than a quiet middle of the night alone with a perfect, sleeping, snuggling, smiling, dreaming, grandchild? I wish it on all of you! It is so much more fulfilling than merely sleeping! I know this must sound like insanity to those of you whose sole aim in life right now is to get a complete nights’ sleep but that is the joy of granny-hood.

5. To teach the world to use the apostrophe of possession where it is supposed to be after the s! That should bring in a flood of comments but I shall be learning how not to worry so I shan't care!

I think that is quite enough to be going on with so I am off to eat a butter-dripping crumpet in front of the fire despite my already discarded New Years Resolution to loose a few pounds …

Granny Bloggings