Christmas Traditions

Every family has their own yuletide traditions, whether it be a simultaneous assault on the presents, shredding paper and squealing with delight, or a decorous morning imbibing sherry while each gift is enjoyed in turn. Some are about the spiritual meanings of the holidays, while some are solely about consumer culture. Whatever works for you. I have been thinking about what I want for my little monkey when it comes to Christmas so here are a few traditions I will be forcing upon her.

Hats: Christmas is not complete without them (and if you knew me in my teen years you will know that I feel life is not complete without a few good hat opportunities). Sweaty cracker hats is a good start but basically anything festive, sparkly, or with ears/antlers will do the job.

Celebrating through the medium of song: I start amping up the singing of Xmas ditties around the end of October so that by now, when finishing up my Crimbo shopping I am singing along, full bore without a care in the world. Keeps me sane and ensures I have enough space to move around the crowded shops as other buyers shrink from my dulcet tones.

Cartoons: I have to get one on DVD every Christmas for watching on the afternoon, after the turkey. Last year it was Wall-E and I slept through most of it... This year is cheap - Wall-E again!

Letters to Father C: I was born a skeptic, I grew up a skeptic and am a skeptic now. Does it stop me writing to Santa on Christmas Eve? Does it stop me leaving out a mince pie, some sherry and a carrot for Rudolph? No. The charade is part of the fun.

House arrest: In my family Christmas is about being together (and eating all the food that has been bought whether you want to or not) and so we get together from about the 23rd and don't leave the house again until (on a good year) about 4th January. By that time we are all ready to leave and face another year!

I think that pretty much covers it. Is there anything I have forgotten that I need to foist upon her? Anything that will enrich her experience year on year? I don't think so - as long as she is in a silly hat, she can face pretty much anything!

All I want for Christmas... Christmas Countdown Day 10

Dear Santa,

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, I really do appreciate that you are probably quite busy at the moment and so I am most grateful that you would take a moment out of your schedule, perhaps take the weight off, have a mince pie and consider my Christmas list.

This year I would really appreciate a couple of small and innocuous items (aside from world peace which is clearly at the top of my list every year).

Firstly, I would like to sleep through the night. Just from 10pm til 7 or 8 am. Just once. Without having to get up to do a feed, rock little one to sleep, or just lie awake worrying about why I haven't had to get up to do a feed or rock little one to sleep. And if you could make it possible for me to fall asleep without having to recite lists in an OCD fashion to stop myself thinking, that would be really marvelous too. Is that within your remit?

Next I was wondering about whether you can defy the laws of gravity? I know you can with the whole sleigh thing, so maybe you can when it comes to my physique? It's not terrible, it looks fine under clothes, but it's just that everything seems to have slipped somewhat. Can you arrange for a sort of winch and tighten so that everything springs back to where it once was? I know this sounds like a vain request but actually it is rather selfless - it is really more for the benefit of the other swimming pool users at my local baths.

Finally, I would like to request to be able to spend a whole day 'hands free'. I'd like to eat my meals without 'a little help' from little one, walk down the street without pushing or carrying, make dinner without someone on my hip directing procedures.

So that is it from me the year, Big Man, I hope that all is well in the North Pole, that Mrs Claus is looking forward to the Christmas specials on TV and that the elves have been behaving themselves.

Thanks in advance,

Mummatron