Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, I really do appreciate that you are probably quite busy at the moment and so I am most grateful that you would take a moment out of your schedule, perhaps take the weight off, have a mince pie and consider my Christmas list.
This year I would really appreciate a couple of small and innocuous items (aside from world peace which is clearly at the top of my list every year).
Firstly, I would like to sleep through the night. Just from 10pm til 7 or 8 am. Just once. Without having to get up to do a feed, rock little one to sleep, or just lie awake worrying about why I haven't had to get up to do a feed or rock little one to sleep. And if you could make it possible for me to fall asleep without having to recite lists in an OCD fashion to stop myself thinking, that would be really marvelous too. Is that within your remit?
Next I was wondering about whether you can defy the laws of gravity? I know you can with the whole sleigh thing, so maybe you can when it comes to my physique? It's not terrible, it looks fine under clothes, but it's just that everything seems to have slipped somewhat. Can you arrange for a sort of winch and tighten so that everything springs back to where it once was? I know this sounds like a vain request but actually it is rather selfless - it is really more for the benefit of the other swimming pool users at my local baths.
Finally, I would like to request to be able to spend a whole day 'hands free'. I'd like to eat my meals without 'a little help' from little one, walk down the street without pushing or carrying, make dinner without someone on my hip directing procedures.
So that is it from me the year, Big Man, I hope that all is well in the North Pole, that Mrs Claus is looking forward to the Christmas specials on TV and that the elves have been behaving themselves.
Thanks in advance,
Mummatron
Santa asked me to thank you for your letter. He'll be giving you grog so you can lie down and spanx so things stay up.
ReplyDeleteHe said an entire day hands-free is just pushing it. You can try again next year.
Elf number 4.
Another friend said despairingly that sleep was better than chocolate. That may be pushing it.
ReplyDeleteNo Albert, it is absolutely true. You will find this out one day. She said, sagely. Hope all well with you and that Somerset West is treating you well A xx
ReplyDeleteIt's a big ask but all things are possible, just not always probable..worth a try though!
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking to Festive Friday! Do come and join in again this week!